We all have them—those little obligations, tasks, and expectations that seem to pile up on our to-do lists, despite the fact that we never consciously choose them; things we take on because we feel we should, or because we just don’t take the time to question whether they truly matter to us. 

Enter Ditch the Ditties, the brilliant and liberating book by Lindsey Godwin and Miriam Novotny, who join me on the Conspiracy of Goodness podcast to unpack exactly what this means, and offer a path to a life with more joy and intention.

The Myth of Doing It All

From the moment I opened this book, I was nodding along. Lindsey and Miriam make a profound distinction early on: This is not about saying no to others—it’s about saying yes to yourself. 

That’s a game-changer. 

Most of us, especially women, have been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to how much we do for others—but the reality is that every time we say yes to something out of obligation, we are unconsciously saying no to something else; often to our own well-being, creativity, or personal goals.

In our conversation, they broke it down even further, introducing the idea of the four D’s of decision-making:

• Ditties – The unnecessary, unwanted tasks that don’t serve us (but we take on anyway.)
• Duties – The responsibilities we genuinely have to do, whether or not we love them.
• Deeds – Tasks we choose to take on because they align with our values or long-term goals.
• Delights – The things that bring us joy, fulfillment, and energy.

The goal? Recognizing what is actually essential in our lives, and making more space for our delights while learning how to offload the ditties.

The Power of the Pause

One of my favorite moments in the interview is when we talk about the pause—that simple yet radical act of stopping before saying yes. Lindsey points out that women, in particular, have been trained from a young age to believe they should want to help others at all times. However, in asking ourselves, ‘Do I actually want to do this?’ we create an opportunity for self-awareness and agency.

Miriam Novotny takes that line of logic even further, highlighting that when we operate from a place of overcommitment, we not only exhaust ourselves, but we also become less present in our relationships. That means our families, our colleagues, and our communities don’t get the best of us—they get what’s left of us. That’s a sobering thought.

Ditty Detox: Clearing the Clutter

If you’re wondering, ‘Okay, I get it, but how do I actually start ditching the ditties?’ don’t worry—this book isn’t just philosophical. Lindsey and Miriam introduce a deeply practical concept called the Ditty Detox; a step-by-step process for identifying and shedding unnecessary commitments.

It’s about…

• Not picking up new ditties in the first place (learning to say “no” with confidence!)
• Preventing duties and deeds from slipping into ditty territory
• Removing existing ditties from our lives (yes, even the ones we already said yes to! Lindsey and Miriam explain; there are ways to exit them gracefully.)

One of my favorite reframing tools they shared? Instead of just saying no, try, “No, but here’s what I can do.” That tiny shift shows that you care, even if you can’t fulfill their request, and it keeps the door open for meaningful engagement without overburdening yourself.

Savoring the Essentials

The heart of Ditch the Ditties is about replacing obligations with essentials—those things that truly light us up. Lindsey Godwin broke down the A, B, C, D, E’s of Essentials for us:

• A – Achievements: What we want to be remembered for
• B – Belongings: Meaningful items that carry personal significance
• C – Characteristics: The values and qualities we want to embody
• D – Darlings: The people we prioritize and cherish
• E – Experiences: The moments and adventures that bring us joy

When we actively choose to sprinkle our essentials throughout the day, we begin to shift from living reactively to living with intention. As Lindsey so beautifully put it:

“An essential life is built of essential years, which are built of essential days, which are built of essential moments.“

Imagine a Ditty-Free Society: Join the Movement

Miriam and Lindsey closed our conversation with a powerful vision: What if we all stopped saying yes out of obligation? What if we were truly intentional about how we spent our time and energy? 

They believe (and I wholeheartedly agree) that we would all be more creative, less stressed, more innovative, and—most importantly—more present, if we could all simply have the time and ability to remove the ditties from our lives. We wouldn’t just be surviving; We’d be thriving.

This conversation barely scratched the surface of the brilliance packed into Ditch the Ditties. If this message resonates with you (and trust me, it will), here’s what you can do next:

1. Get the book – Available at all major booksellers and local bookstores.
2. Join the conversation – Follow @ditchtheditties on social media for daily inspiration.
3. Start your own Ditty Detox – Visit ditchtheditty.com for resources, workshops, and their free book guide.
4. Tag them in your progress – They love hearing real-life stories of people ditching ditties and reclaiming joy!

If you’ve ever felt stretched too thin, weighed down by invisible obligations, or frustrated that you never seem to have time for what really matters, this book is your roadmap to freedom. Let’s ditch the ditties together, and start saying yes to what truly lights us up!

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• CoG Episode #12: Breathe Better with James Nestor

• 00:00 – Intro & Welcome
• 04:20 – Key Concepts from ‘Ditch the Ditty’
• 13:40 – In-depth Analysis of the Decision Tree
• 19:04 – Discussion on Gender Dynamics and Socialization
• 25:50 – Personal Stories and Experiences
• 31:20 – Break
• 33:35 – Addressing the Persistent Pleaser Syndrome
• 38:20 – Navigating Social Expectations and Personal Choices
• 43:00 – Thoughts on Empowerment and Self-Awareness
• 49:39 – Essential Questions for Clarity in Personal and Professional Settings
• 53:28 – Discussing Over-Commitment: How to Manage Life’s Demands
• 01:02:17 – Practical Tips for Setting and Respecting Personal Boundaries
• 01:06:35 – Source of Original Courage
• 01:14:52 – Envisioning a Ditty-Free World
• 01:19:50 – The Ditty Detox
• 1:22:22 – Closing