Hard Conversations Made Easy with Dr. Marcia Reynolds (Episode #39)

Our thought leader of the day is Dr. Marcia Reynolds, a master of coaching people about engaging in powerful conversations. Listen to Marcia and make hard conversations easy!

She is a sought-after transformational coach known for her ability to change people’s minds. Dr. Reynolds drops by to break down the truth behind hard conversations, which she believes can be made easy, and it only takes a few things and mindset shifts to do it.

Resources Mentioned:

[00:01 – 06:26] Introduction

  • I introduce Dr. Marcia Reynolds
  • Working with people’s thinking patterns
  • The power of coaching to widen possibilities

[06:27 – 11:10] How to lead people who are scared to death?

  • The brain’s main job is to keep us safe. Everything else is secondary to that.
  • “Reality is an illusion, but a very persistent one.” – Einstein
  • The brain is always seeking – what can hurt me?
  • It’s a meaning making machine of our sense of reality
  • We refer people to an article on Ever Widening Circles article with the TED Talk called “What Fear Can Teach us”

[11:11 – 20:30] Workers are experiencing our “cultures” differently now

  • People have been overwhelmed by the changes they must incorporate into their working and personal lives
  • We don’t handle the overwhelm well. It’s not just that things have shifted. Some things are gone and others have appeared.
  • We need to give people a space to breathe. We don’t have to fix it for them, or give advice. Just be present and give them space to breathe.
  • People are being kinder than they need to be. And what exactly do each of us mean by saying “I’m kind.”
  • Good question to ask when someone says they are being one way or another is to ask what they mean by that.
  • How Dr. Reynolds got into coaching by accident
  • Getting “Empathy” right!… It is an outcome after you have gotten curious about someone.

[20:31 – 29:12] What takes place to bring about real change

  • What it takes to rewire the brain
  • When we listen and reflect back our understanding of what they said, they can see their thinking, often will say, that’s not what I meant. Everyone evolves from a back and forth to get clarification.
  • Marcia thinks it’s important for people to hear their own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs spoken by someone else, it prompts them to critically consider how their thinking affects their goals.
  • Reflective Inquiry… “Here’s what I hear you saying. Tell me more.”
  • Be Curious. Ask what people mean in a kind way.

[29:13 – 34:28] Transformational conversations

  • More simple than people think
  • Help people climb a tree in their brain and look down on their thinking
  • From the top of the tree, they can see gaps in their logic and the way fear is guiding their thinking patterns

[34:29- 48:37] Anger and Depression

  • Book: Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers
  • There is a state we all get in called “Cortisol crabby” – When Adrenaline is being pumped out too often when our way of thinking creates too much stress.
  • The Adrenaline High then trails off to the numbness of sadness… and in this state… We only see the negative!
  • The power of laughter
  • Coaching helps us safely express ourselves
  • Being aware of our spine…how our body positions affect the way others feel a sense of safety or not, around us.

[48:38- 54:08] Focusing on what you are giving

  • Deciding ahead of time what emotion you want to bring to a conversation
  • Come to a conversation with a Key word… Calm, courage, care, etc…
  • We can recognize an emotion and be open to talking about what triggers it.

[54:09- 01:04:05] Healthy Friction

  • The Challenger Disaster and how people avoided doing the right thing (postponing the launch because the temperatures dipped below freezing) because they wanted to avoid confrontation and friction.
  • The gas pump story about give and take… self-awareness, and avoiding friction
  • Allow the friction in a group. Remember that friction is just energy circulating.
  • We can learn to live with the storm and honor each other in the process if we realize that creating anything will generate a flow of energy swirling around, often perceived as friction.
  • Protecting people’s dignity so they can change their minds
  • Often we don’t do the right thing because of being afraid of the other person’s response, we are getting lost in the fear of response when we forget to focus on the importance and urgency of a good outcome.
  • If you don’t talk it out, you’re going to act it out.

[01:04:06- 01:09:45]

  • Read some of Marcia’s blogs. Links below
  • Connect with Marcia
    • Links below
  • Why Marcia believes this is still an amazing world

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