When was the last time you looked at the crumbs on the kitchen counter (left by someone you love) and felt…grateful? 

I know—it sounds odd—but after this conversation with guest Rebecca Mullen, I’ll never see those crumbs the same way again. 

Rebecca Mullen is a relationship coach, author of Six Steps to Better Marriage Communication, and host of the podcast Habits for Your Happily Ever After, and her insights are as transformative as they are practical. Her advice isn’t about grand romantic gestures or fixing every problem overnight; it’s about small, consistent shifts that build relationships grounded in love and respect.

Starting with Vulnerability

Rebecca shared that most communication issues boil down to fear; fear of being vulnerable, of not being enough, or of losing connection. In her book, she outlines practical tools that can revolutionize how one might approach those tricky conversations—like the “Clean Ask.” 

The “Clean Ask” is really more of a strategy that you develop for better communication, and it involves cleaning up your questions to remove any tone of accusation, and focus on what actually matters. 

For example, if you wanted to express that you were frustrated with the balance of the trash-related chores, instead of starting with “Why don’t you ever take out the trash?” Mullen suggests framing it with clarity and care: “I feel overwhelmed managing all the chores. Would you be willing to share the load equally?”

You may just find that in defusing the bomb of anger hidden in the question before you ever throw it, you can avoid unnecessary arguments and get to the bottom of the real issue—and you might be surprised by what you find. Perhaps, for example, there was a miscommunication about the division of the chores in the first place—maybe your partner thought that trash night was a different night; or perhaps they thought that they were in charge of the recycling and you were in charge of the trash.

It’s simple, but the results are profound: these adjustments can stop fights before they even begin, and even lead to surprising conversations that strengthen bonds—rather than strain them.

The Magic of the Mundane – Lean Into the Awkwardness

Our talk wasn’t just about communication—it was also about cherishing the everyday. Rebecca reminded me that real relationships thrive, not on Hollywood-style drama, but on small, almost invisible moments; a kind greeting, a shared laugh, even the way we say goodbye in the morning. 

She urges us to make these moments more visible—to be mindful, to notice them, and to give them the space in your heart they are owed. As Rebecca puts it:

“Love is small and mundane. How can we infuse those crummy moments with love?”

One of my favorite moments in the interview was when Rebecca told the story of a client who found that she actually missed her late husband’s habit of leaving toast crumbs on the counter. What she once saw as an annoyance and a tiny but constant nuisance became a poignant reminder of their shared life—even more powerful than any grand gesture or cinema-worthy moment they may have had together.

Similarly, Rebecca’s tools also invite us to embrace the awkward. Want to propose a “money meeting” to your partner? Call it a “Financial Summit” or a “Team Check-In” if it helps—but don’t let fear hold you back. (It’s okay if it feels dorky! You can be dorky together!) These meetings aren’t about perfection; they’re about creating a space where you and your partner can pause, reflect, and grow.

Rebecca’s own “Financial Summits” started as arguments in disguise—a pre-scheduled time to discuss finances (and the result of another thoughtful adjustment about bombarding her husband with questions without warning.) However, over time—and with practice and determination—they evolved into a powerful tool for collaboration. 

Her key advice: take it one step at a time, and celebrate even the smallest of victories.

Don’t Worry About the Crumbs

When I asked Rebecca what she most wanted listeners to know, her response struck a chord: 

“At home with our sweetheart, that’s where we feel safe. But often, it’s where we treat people the worst.” 

Her message? Use that safe space as a foundation to practice kindness, gentleness, and growth.

Relationships aren’t about perfection. They’re about showing up, owning our fears, and making small changes every day. And as Rebecca reminded me:

“If one person in the relationship shifts their behavior, the entire dynamic can change.”

If you’re ready to stop fretting about the little things (literal or metaphorical) and start focusing on the big picture of your relationship, Rebecca’s work is a treasure trove of resources. Her book and podcast are filled with tools that are easy to understand, and incredibly effective—just like the ones outlined above

You can also find Rebecca’s podcast, Habits for Your Happily Ever After, wherever you listen to podcasts, or on her website. I was fortunate enough to be a guest on Rebecca’s podcast recently. In our interview we explored the power of perspective, and how changing your lens can change your life—further validating the “crumb” theory that can really shift the way we look at our relationships. It’s important to note that this podcast isn’t just about marriage; it’s about navigating all the messy, beautiful connections in our lives, from coworkers to family members—and even to zoning administrators!

I hope you find her work as inspiring and practical as I have. After all, life is too short to fight over crumbs.

• Website; Rebecca Mullen Coaching
• Book: 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication by Rebecca Mullen [PRE-ORDER]
• Rebecca’s Podcast: Habits for Your Happily Ever After
• Video: The Vegetarian & the Hunter: Creating Peace at the Dinner Table | Rebecca Mullen | TEDxGrandJunction
• Podcast: Terri Hofford’s CoG Episode #195
• My interview on Rebecca’s podcast: Change Your Lens, Change Your Life: The Power of Perspective
• Support The Conspiracy of Goodness Podcast by becoming a member!

• 00:00 – Intro & Welcome
• 03:15 – The Transformative Power of Rebecca’s Book
• 08:00 – Overcoming Fear in Relationships
• 14:50 – Protect to Connect: Building Empathy and Connection
• 17:35 – Everyday Examples of Better Communication
• 30:35 – Break
• 33:15 – Making the Invisible Visible in Relationships
• 38:09 – The Power of “Yes, And” in Relationships
• 43:45 – How to Apologize Effectively
• 51:10 – Marriage Meetings: Building Stronger Partnerships
• 01:02:15 – Create Peace at home
• 01:04:25 – Closing